할머니와 손자녀들! PART 5 My Grandson Alexander-박옥종 Lilian Chung > 글동네

           Grandma and Grandchildren

              할머니와 손자녀들

        Part 5 My Grandson, Alexander

“My Lord Who Wiped Away My Tears”

Day after day, holding a painful heart

Time and time again looking up to the Lord –

He came beside me and wiped away my tears.

For the souls who follow the world

My heart is broken and torn; He soothes me

Moment by moment he changes my grieved heart to joy.

Lord, You are the healer of all sorrow and pain

Man of Righteousness who solves all my worries –

He takes up all of my burdens.

When I look up to heaven while raising my two hands

He stands up in the Most Holy Place.

When I kneel down He comes to my heart.

Lord, give us life through Your breath

Give us joy with Your smile

Hold us with Your two arms.

Today, I look up at my Lord who took away my tears

And tell Him my petitions –

My Lord will hear me and accomplish them.

“Dear Alex”

The Lord was there when I was sad

He was beside me always –

When I realized this,

My heart was deeply moved,

Tears filled my eyes.

My heart is torn

For a grandson

Who does not know that the Lord is love

And talks as he likes.

Oh, Alex!

When my heart is torn,

How does the heart of the Lord feel,

Who was torn on the Cross for you?

Casting down His own life,

He loves you;

Unto the Lord Jesus,

Do not be one to crucify Him again

 “Lord, Please Stand Up”

Lord, thank you, again I thank you for Your grace.

To the people who do not know You yet,

Let them gain knowledge of You.

When I think of teenagers, my heart aches.

In this painful heart, broken and torn

Lord, shed Your ray of healing.

Help me find peace in my mind

With a deeper trust in You.

How can I stop them from listening to their music

That makes them rush to the crazy multitude

How can I cut off the strings of the guitar

With which they play music that makes you sad?

Pray and pray, distressed and agonized

Still I can't find any sign of repentance.

Lord, do You cover Your ears and not listen to me?

How long will You leave the boys alone?

Do You leave them to listen and play this music?

Lord, please stand up, eradicate the wiles of Satan

That destroy our youth.

Save them, who are becoming the victims of evil,

Wake up their minds to see the road where they are headed.

Only You can be their Savior –

O Lord, do not forsake them, save them!

“Feb 3, 1993”

Dear Alex,

I heard beautiful songs of the birds this morning.  I miss Berrien Springs and the birds singing in the spring time. I feel as if I am listening to a choir of birds singing songs vividly in spring.

My grandson, how are you doing nowadays?  Like birds singing in the early morning, do you also praise God early in the morning? 

            You are truly a bright man with so much wisdom from God.  You have to polish your wisdom with God's grace everyday so that it will not become rusted. Our judgment and wisdom must be refined more and more.

            Dear Alex, I pray for you to develop an astute perception and to grow like Jesus.

Peace be with you.

I love you and pray for you,

Grandma       

“To Live for Today”

O Lord, strengthen me to live today

Today, give me wisdom to testify about you

Today, give me hope to look to you more

Today, give me faith to stand firm.

More and more to become a person of love, fortitude, modesty,

to reflect you rightly and glorify you.

“Too Much Love”

The Lord knows my heart

Like bone melting away

My burning heart

He knows

Because of too much love

I cannot give up

The Lord loved us until He gave His life

O Lord give me that kind of love

Let me love them as You did

Until the end.

“December 13, 1992”

Dear Alex,

Grandmother loves you.  I wanted to go back to Berrien Springs to see you, but due to my recent eye surgery I must delay going there.

Alex, I heard you were involved in a car accident and I was very worried. But thankfully you have recovered.  I was grateful to God that you were safe, but I am worried again to hear news that you are sick and cannot go to school and have not been eating well.     

You need to eat good food to have good health.  And you must have a sound body to have a sound mind.  Good health is essential to thinking rightly and becoming an honest and useful man in this world.

It is written in the Bible, "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31).

I think you will do a wonderful work for God in the future and you can be a good influence to your fellow students.  The students elected you as their president, but the Holy Spirit impressed them to do that.

“How to Solve Differences of Opinions”

When I saw my grandson Alex wearing shiny earrings, I felt a pain piercing my heart.  I said, "Alex, I don’t think you should wear those earrings."

            "Why not, Grandma?  God said not to judge a man from his outward appearance, but why do you judge me on my outward appearance?  It is okay if my heart is pure in front of God'."

Whenever I said anything, my clever grandson Alex gave his opinion clearly.  I couldn't help but close my eyes and say a silent prayer to God. 

After several days had passed, Alex appeared in the dining room wearing silver earrings that were one inch long.  When I looked closely, I saw that a drop of blood had formed in the hole of the ear.  My heart was filled with sadness again.

"Alex, how sad must Jesus feel looking at you?  It is shameful.  I beg you not to wear those earrings.  Think of your parents; how would they feel?  Your mother will be shocked."

Alex may have felt bad and thought that his grandma was like a Pharisee.  But I couldn't keep silent and watch.

“Dec. 16, 1994”

Dear Father, my heart is darkened.  They can't throw away their rock music by themselves.  Please have pity on them whom You have bought with Your blood.  Your mercy is great.  Please give them new spirits and new minds.  Please give them minds that dislike rock music.  Help them to consider rock music to be a waste.  Make them listen to the music of heaven.

Men are perishing by rock music.  How many young men are spoiled by it?  O Father, please come and save them from the snare of the wicked.  Lord, I look up only to You.  King of kings, Lord of Lords, You shed blood for us, forsook your body, and overcame on the cross, redeeming us through Your precious blood.  Please don't give up on those perishing souls. Save them with your great mercy.  Please give them life to live through your powerful word.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord.  Come all the people and praise the Lord! He accomplished this wonderful work! 

Dear grandson Alex,

I love you and pray that you do not disappoint Jesus, who loves you so much.  Everyone can exert a good or bad influence on others; a good person will be a good influence and a bad person will be a bad influence. 

Alex, you are a man of good sense, so I hope you will become like Joseph, who stood on God's side in all circumstances in Egypt.

With exceeding love, I am writing this letter with some difficulty as my eye is still recovering.  I think and pray for you everyday.

Dear Alex,

You are a smart man, and I believe you will always look to Jesus and make the right decisions.  May the peace of Jesus be with you.

Love,

Your Grandmother

Phil. 4:5 "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

Lord, forgive me, for I am a sinner.  I lack a spirit of tolerance.  I lack an understanding mind.  Until Alex becomes a man of love, I will tolerate, understand, and pour out more love to him.  Thank you, Lord, for granting me peace again.

"Heart of Tears"

Tears are flowing over in my heart

Something in the core that I can't express,

As if a nail got stuck inside.

To love this much is painful

I don’t know how I can continue

With the pain that lives alongside…

Dear Alex,

I miss you very much.  When are you coming back?  I am wondering about your health.  Sometimes, I worry.  Then I pray more for you.  Dear Alex, I pray for you to walk and talk together with Jesus.  Let the Bible be your guide always.  Then your life will become a blessed one.  I love you, Alex.  I wish that someday you will become a witness of Jesus through your life.

From,

Grandmother who loves you very much

“In The Trial”

Aug 12, 1995

Raising my voice, I praise the Lord

With my whole heart, I praise the Lord

Though my journey is long and rough

If God is with me, the way is right

The way is filled with the fragrance of roses.

How beautiful is the Aged One, like the sun

Slipping over the western mountain

His glory appears in the cloud

Guides me, my song of thanksgiving overflows

To make me into pure gold

The repeated courses of refinement

With hot tears I say, Thank you, my Lord!

You allowed me to experience

Even a part of Job's trials, and

Since you allowed me to know even one moment

Of the Lord's sufferings

Gratitude is overflowing from my heart.

O Lord, let me know your agonizing prayer at Gethsemane

Lead me closer to You!

“Love is”

Apr. 4, 1994

Love is

Not made by words alone

Love is

From the depths of the mind

Love is

Made through the person renewed

By the love of the Lord's own heart.

“Apr. 5, 1994”

As time passes

I realize that I cannot do anything

Cannot write a letter as I wish

Cannot even speak reasonably

An unable person such as myself

Kneels and surrenders

Before the Lord, who strengthens me.

Around 2:30am, I was lying in bed praying, because I could not sleep after suffering a nightmare. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.  It rang several times.  I was hoping that somebody would wake up and answer the door, but the doorbell kept on ringing.  I got up.  As I made my way to the front door, I thought, “Maybe one of my grandchildren hasn't come home yet.”

I opened Alex’s room and Andy's room and they were sleeping.  “It must be Ben, then.”  I turned on the porch light, but it wasn’t Ben.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Ronald.  I came to see Alex."

I told Ronald that Alex was sleeping, but he insisted on speaking to him.

"Just for one minute,” he pleaded.

I went upstairs and told Alex, who answered in a sleepy voice, "I don't need to meet him,” and fell asleep again.  Andy also didn't want to get up.  Reluctantly, I went back and told Ronald that Alex did not want to meet him.  But Ronald still insisted.  I went back to Alex and he said, "Tell him that I will meet him in the morning."

Finally, I walked back to the front door and said, "Ronald, please come in the morning.”  I felt bad about not opening the door, but I was afraid that they might have been quarreling.

"Then give me his phone number," Ronald said. I gave him the number and he left.

The next morning I was worried, so I prayed and told my daughter to pray, too.

            Around lunchtime, Ronald called the house.  Alex said that he got a call early in the morning and Ronald had told him that he wanted to meet.  Alex went and picked Ronald up.  They talked for a long time and in the meantime, I went upstairs.

Later, Alex came to me and said, “We are fine now.”  Apparently, there had been a misunderstanding between them.  "I told Ronald that I understand his position," said Alex.  I was very glad that Alex was generous, wise and had good judgment.

"I am so happy that I have a wonderful grandson," I told him and hugged him. 

“Aug. 12, 1995”

Alex told me that he was going for a walk, so I joined him.  It was almost 4 a.m.

Alex thinks that he is smart and that he can do everything by himself and do it well.  With pity and love, I wanted to say something to him, but he is too young to understand me.  So whenever I feel like correcting him, I just pray silently.

I came home about 4:30 and although I am usually awake at that time, I hadn’t sleep enough the previous night and felt dizzy, so I went and lay down.  When I woke up, it was after 6:00am and I immediately washed my face and prepared to go to Pioneer Memorial Church, whose inscription says: An House of Prayer For All People.

There at the front door, I knelt down on the cement and exposed my heart before Him and awaited His response, and He said:

"I forsook heaven and came down to this earth.  Dear daughter, I beseech in my Father's presence like this.  You have my mind and have hope in your grandson.  Even though he bears nothing now, later, he will bear fruits.  I will dig around him and fertilize him.  Dear daughter, you are my fellow worker and your present situation is a valuable position."

The journey home was one of indescribable elation.  Even though my cheeks were stained with tears of agony, my life was never unimportant before Him and He regarded it with mercy.  I praise His mercy and compassion!  I praise Him!   

“Aug. 31, 1995”

When I came down to the living room, Alex was sleeping on the sofa.  All of his belongings were spread out in the garage, hallways, and the other rooms as he was in the process of repainting his room.

Alex and I had talked the night before.  The children had not wanted their mother to come back.  Now I had to leave this house and Alex was sad.  Alex would often say since he got back from Korea, “Why does a son not have his parents living with him?  A Korean son should have his parents with him.  Why doesn’t my uncle have grandmother with him?"

Until now, I had lived with my grandchildren thinking that it was my mission from God.  Sometimes, in my moments of weakness, I wished to avoid its difficulties and at times I prayed and prayed, rebuking myself.  Finally, I agreed to leave and have their mother come to live with them, but they did not like the idea of their mom coming.

This morning in the kitchen I prayed, “My Lord, please let Alex be a person of God."  Again, at the bathroom sink I prayed, "Lord, help Alex grow as a beloved son of God."  I felt a lump in my throat.  I talked with my daughter by phone.  Even though we talked quite a while there was no solution.  "Let's pray and wait for God's will," was the conclusion.  "My beloved Lord, show us a way to go.  Give us wisdom to know your will."

Dear Alex,

I got a phone call last night from your mom.  I heard that you are working.  I admire your hardworking spirit.  Now I am happy because I think you are earnestly seeking to become His worker.  My dear grandson, our Lord Jesus Christ provides work and gives you good opportunities to show your loyalty to Him.  You can become a good missionary to those who are ignorant of Jesus.  I am very glad because of you.

Alex, I hope you will be a faithful worker and that you will always stay with Jesus.  Look to Him and continue in your faith.  You will become a great man for Jesus.

Jesus loves you as if you are the only man in the world.  His love will be with you always.  I pray that you will experience the joy of living in His love.  I love you too, Alex.