그 영광의 빛속으로 제 5부 감사의 노래 - 박옥종
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그 영광의 빛 속으로!!! 제 5부 감사의 노래
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1. 감사의 노래
나는 흑암 속에서 갈 바를 알지 못하는 외로운 여인이었다. 하나님을 알지 못했던 내겐 절망만 있었다. 그 절망의 늪에서 헤메던 내게 하나님은 빛을 비춰주셨다. 내 연약한 시력이 익숙해지기까지 서서히 서서히 더 밝게 비춰주신 주님의 사랑을 체험하며 나는 눈을 뜨기 시작했다. 어둠에 익숙했던 한 영혼을 광명한 빛 가운데로 이끄신 그 인자하신 손길을 가슴 깊이 느끼며 믿음의 영아기를 벗어나고 유년기를 지났다. 그리고 이제 소년기를 지나 청년기에 접어들어 나를 광명한 영광의 빛속으로 이끄신 그분을 찬양하고 싶은 마음 더욱 간절했다.
내 생명 다하는 날까지 감사의 노래 불러도
어찌 내 가슴에 가득한 감사를 표현 하리
주님은 사랑이시라
자신을 희생하여 나를 살리신 그 사랑
그 생명 바쳐서 나를 구하여내신 그 사랑
이 무가치한 인생에게 생명의 빛 보내셔서
영광의 빛 속으로 이끄신 그 무한한 사랑
어둠 찌든 가슴 환하게 열어주시고
풍성한 사랑의 광선 구석구석 비추사
모든 어둠 몰아내게 하신 주의 손길
눈물로 얼룩진 네 가슴 속을
명주 수건보다 더 부드러운 주의 손길로 닦아주사
모든 얼룩 깨끗이 지우시고 주의 향기론 말씀 새기셨고
네 머리 속에 남아있던 무섭고 두려웠던 추억들
주의 영 임하사 사라지게 하시고 신선한 성령의 바람 불게 하사
향기론 추억의 꽃 더욱 생생하게 하시며
네 가슴에 미래를 향한 소망과 포부로 가득케 하셔서
그 날을 위한 기대 속에 젊음이 넘치는 생애가 열리리라
주 다시 오시리라!
그 영광의 날 위하여 예비하라
어둠 속에 있는 자들에게 주의 빛을 비추라!
2. 생명 싸개 속의 생명
삼상 25:29
이사야 43:2-3
나는 내가 살아온 생애 동안에 생명 싸개 속에 싸여 있는 한 생명을 보았다.
그는 영아 시절 참으로 심각한 생명이 오락가락하는 상태에 이른 일이 여러 차례 일어났다. 그러면서도 그는 용케 살아남아 유년기를 지나고 소년기를 맞이하였다. 초등학교 3학년 때 고기 잡으러 강에 갔다가 물에 빠져 익사할 위기에서 겨우 살아났다. 굶주림을 경험하면서 소년기를 지나 청년기에 접어든 의과대학 시절 연탄가스 중독으로 사망의 문턱에서 다시 한 번 구원함을 받았다. 의과대학 졸업 후 서울 위생병원에서 인턴으로 일 할 때, 비행기를 타고 무의 섬 진료 갔다가 비행기 추락으로 비행기가 대파되었으나, 하나님의 은혜로 기적적으로 살아남았다.
그 후에 도미하여 미국에 살면서 세 번 교통사고를 당했지만 다 무사하였다. 2001 년 2월 5일, 그는 신장 암 진단을 받았다. 그런데 계란만한 암이 한 콩팥에만 머물러 있고, 전이되지 않아서, 콩팥 하나만 떼어낸 후, 하나님의 은혜 속에 뉴스타트 건강생활을 하며 건강을 회복하였다.
2008년 11월 17일 그는 다시 한 번 살아계신 하나님의 손이 아니었으면 꼼짝없이 죽었을 사건에 직면하였다. 며느리가 아기를 낳기 위해 병원에 입원하게 되었으니 도와달라는 기별을 받고 아들 집으로 가게 되었는데, 눈보라가 치던 그 저녁, 얼어붙은 고속도로를 운전해 가던 그의 승용차가 갑자기 미끄러지기 시작한 것이었다. 큰 트럭이 포효하는 맹수처럼 그의 자그마한 승용차를 덮치려 하는 바로 그 순간, 운전대를 잡고 있던 그의 아내는 예수님! 예수님! 부르짖었다. 하나님의 천사의 손과도 미지의 거대한 힘이 그의 승용차를 트럭의 면전에서 낚아채어 고속도로 옆 갈잎 속으로 밀어 넣는 순간, 그 거대한 트럭은 눈바람을 쌩! 휘날리며 지나가버렸다. 그와 그의 아내는 머리카락하나 상하지 않았고,자동차도 긁힌 데도 없었단다.
“이에 저희가 그 근심 중에 여호와께 부르짖으매 그 고통에서 구원하시되 저가 그 말씀을 보내어 저희를 고치사 위경에서 건지시는도다. 여호와의 인자하심과 인생에게 행하신 기이한 일을 인하여 그를 찬송하리로다.” 시편 107:19-21
나는 하나님을 잘 알 지 못할 때 결혼을 했고 잉태하였다. 스무 살에 잉태하여 스물 하나에 아들을 낳았다. 태중일 때, 친정아버지께서 태교를 잘 해야 한다고 교훈해주셨다. 어떻게 생활해야 되는지를 가르쳐주셨다. 생각을 바르게 가지고 깨끗한 음식을 먹고 자세도 바르게 하고 걸음걸이도 바르게 하고,좋은 책도 읽어야 된다고 하셨다.
나는 아버지의 교훈을 따라 태교하였다. 그 때는 하나님에 대해서도 성경에 대해서도 들은 적이 없었음으로 위인들의 전기를 읽었다. 나는 하나님을 알고 난 후에 사무엘서를 읽으며 아들에 대한 태몽을 회상하였다.
“사무엘이 어렸을 때에 세마포 에봇을 입고 여호와 앞에 섬겼더라. 그 어미가 매년제를 드리러 그 남편과 함께 올라갈 때마다 작은 겉옷을 지어다가 그에게 주었더니” 사무엘 상 2:18-19
사무엘의 어머니가 매년제를 드리러 그 남편과 함께 올라갈 때마다 아들에게 작은 겉옷을 지어다가 주었다는 말씀에서 나는 나의 아들에 대한 태몽이 연상되는 것이었다.
그 태몽은 이러하였다. 여남은 살은 되었음직한 준수한 소년이 단정한 한복 차림으로 의연한 자세로 앉아 있는데 내가 그에게 내 손으로 지은 겉옷을 공손하게 바치는 장면이었다. 나는 오랫동안 아들에 대한 그 태몽이 무엇을 뜻하는지 몰랐으나 가끔 그 태몽을 회상하곤 하였다. 그러나 성경 속에서 한나가 그 아들 사무엘에게 한 정성스러운 헌신이 하나님께 전적으로 헌신한 충성된 마음이었고 그러므로 그의 아들이 이스라엘 역사에 가장 하나님의 뜻에 합당한 사람 중 한 사람이었으며 이스라엘을 구원한 선지자였다는 것을 보았다. 그러므로 나도 나의 아들이 그러한 하나님의 뜻에 합당한 사람으로 살기를 간절히 빌며 열망한다.
참으로 그는 그렇게 살아야만 하리라! 그를 여러 번의 위경에서 건져주신 주님은 그를 특별히 사랑하시고 보호하사 그분의 생명 싸개 속에 항상 그를 싸서 지키시고 계시기 때문이다. 찬양하리로다! 하나님의 그 크신 사랑을!
여기 덕적도로 무의촌 진료를 떠난 선교 비행기 천사호에 대한 그 당시 월간지에 실린 글을 읽어본 추억을 옮겨본다.
천사호는 수륙 양용 비행기였다. 천사호는 예정한 시간에 덕적도 해안에 착수하였다. 탑승자는 의사와 치과의사와 간호사와 미국에서 온 사진기자 이렇게 네 사람이었다. 해안에는 아무 사람도 없었다. 천사호는 덕적도 상공에 다시 떠서 상공을 한 바퀴 돌며 섬 사람들에게 자기들이 온 것을 알리려고 했다. 덕적도 골짜기에서 비행에 어려움을 주는 기류가 올라온다는 것을 그들은 몰랐다. 덕적도 상공을 선회하던 비행기는 강한 바다 바람에 휘말리며 자그마한 돌산에 곤두박질쳤다. 섬사람들은 천둥같은 굉음을 듣고 헐레벌떡 산을 치달았다. 탑승자들이 다 죽은 줄 알고 달려온 그들은 대파된 비행기 옆에서 무릎 꿇고 기도드리는 네 사람을 발견하였다. 미군 헬리콮터가 그들을 김포 공항을 실어날랐다. 김포 공항에서 그들이 돌아온다는 소식에 공항직원들이 긴장하고 들것을 대기시켜 놓고 기다리고 있을 때, 한 사람, 두 사람, 자기 발로 뚜벅 두벅 헬리콥터에서 내리는데야 입을 벌리지 않을 수 없었다.텔레비전, 라디오 방송국 기자들의 사진기 셔터 소리들...김포공항 기획실장실에서 기자들과 인터부 때 기획실장이 말하기를 “비행기 사고 사상 유례가 드문 일입니다.” 했더란다. 덕적도에서 비행기가 추락했다는 뉴스를 듣고 그의 아내는 두 아이를 하나는 업고, 하나는 손을 붙들고 그가 근무하는 병원으로 가면서 “나는 아이들 데리고 콩나물 장사라도 해서 살아가겠지만 우리 어머니는 어떻게 해”라고 하며 눈물을 흘렸다고 한다.
하나님은 연약했던 나에게 너무나 자비하셨다. 내가 놀랄까봐 나를 피신시켰던 것이다. 나는 부산에 살던 딸의 해산 바라지를 위해 딸네 집에 가 있었다. 어느날 사위가 친구가 알려주었다면서 처남의 비행기 추락 사고가 라디오와 텔레비전에 보도되었다고 했다. 우리는 즉시 아들네 집에 전화하였다.“어머니 제 손가락 하나도 다치지 않게 하나님께서 보호해주셨습니다.” 하며 아들이 상쾌한 웃음소리와 함께 말하는 소리를 듣고 얼마나 기뻤는지...
그가 암으로 수술을 받았을 때도 나는 한국에 나가 있었다. 그러므로 아이들이 내게 일체 알리지 않아 나는 전혀 알지 못 하고 그 사건이 지나갔다.
3. 재물과 나
마 6:19 너희를 위하여 보물을 땅에 쌓아 두지 말라. 거기는 좀과 동록이 해하며 도적이 구멍을 뚫고 도적질하느니라.
마 6:20 오직 너희를 위하여 보물을 하늘에 쌓아 두라. 거기는 좀이나 동록이 해하지 못하며 구멍을 뚫지도 못하고 도적질도 못하느니라.
만 열 살이 된 아들과 아직 만 여섯 살도 되지 못한 딸을 시어머님께 맡기고 떠나던 날 새벽, 나는 친정에 들려 친정어머니와 함께 경부선 열차를 타고 부산으로 향하였다. 친정아버님께서 병상에서 일어나셔서 나를 보시고
“네가 어린 자녀들을 두고 객지에 간다는 말이 웬 말이냐!” 하셨다.
눈물어린 아버지의 그 음성이 질주하는 열차 소리 속에서도 들리는 것 같았다. 어머니는 나를 당신의 장조카 집에 데려다 주기 위해 당신이 낳으신 9 남매의 자녀 중 단 하나였던 애지중지 키운 딸을 홀로 객지에 보내기가 안쓰러워 긍휼로 가득한 눈빛으로 나를 지키며 부산까지 내려가셨다.
남부민동 외사촌 집에 여장을 풀고 외숙모님 방에서 기거하게 되었다.
나는 음력 9 월생, 외사촌은 12 월생이어서 달 맏이로 내가 누님 격이었지만 외사촌은 내게 항상 누님, 누님 하면서 깍듯이 존대어를 쓰고 마음을 다하여 나를 섬겨 주었다. 외사촌동생의 댁도 나이가 아직 어렸지만 도량이 넓고 이해성이 많아 그녀의 최선을 다하여 나를 섬겨 주었다.
내 형편이 좋아서 하숙비를 넉넉하게 내는 것도 아니었다. 기껏해야 쌀이나 보리쌀 대두 두 말(서울서는 네 말이 됨)을 내는 것뿐이었다. 외가에 있는 동안 외사촌 내외의 너그러운 성품 덕분에 나는 마음 편히 지날 수 있었다.
첫 돌이 가까워오는 벙싯벙싯 웃으며 귀여움을 독차지하는 잘 생긴 첫 아들과 외숙모님, 네 식구가 마련한지 얼마 안 되었을 새집에서 살고 있었다. 결코 넉넉한 살림이 아니었을 텐데 그들의 마음만은 부자였다. 어머니를 모시고 살며 자기들은 고기반찬 안 먹어도 어머니 상에는 항상 생선이라도 떨어지지 않게 하는 효자, 효부였다. 그들이 복 받게 될 것은 당연한 이치였다. 외사촌 가정에서 함께 지냈던 날들은 내게 아름다운 추억으로 남게 되었고 지금까지도 나는 외사촌내외를 생각할 때마다 감사한 마음을 금할 길 없다. 나는 그 시절 이 세상에서 가장 좋은 사람들과 살았던 것이다.
내가 부산에서 생활하는 동안“미나까이”라는 부산에서 가장 큰 백화점이 있었다. 거기 미용학원을 개설하였다. 나는 나의 자녀들과 함께 사는 것이 소원이었으므로 추석에 집에 돌아갔을 때 친정아버님께 의논을 드렸다. 그랬더니 아버님께서
“네 자녀들이 무엇을 보고 자라겠느냐?” 고 말씀하셨다.“
그 후에 우리 집에서 가까운 초등학교의 교사로 부임하여 얼마 동안 교편생활을 하였다.
삯바느질, 도부장수, 참기름 장사, 학교 교사, 가정교사, 계란 장사 등등...
이런 저런 이유 때문에 한 가지 직업을 오랫동안 계속하지 못하고 바꾸어야 할 일이 자꾸 생겼지만 모든 일에 열성을 다했으므로 모든 일에 최선을 다했다고 생각되며 후회되는 일은 별로 없었다. 그러나 지나치게 과로한 것과 건강을 해칠 정도로 먹지 않고 저축하려고 했기 때문에 훗날 자녀들에게 걱정하게 하고 고생을 많이 시켰던 잘못이 후회스럽다. 나는 6. 25 후에 아홉 가지 직업(?)을 가져보았으나 돈을 모으지는 못했다. 뼈 빠지게 일한다는 말이 있는데 정말 뼈 빠지게 일했어도 내가 모은 돈은 쓸 사람이 따로 있었다. 아등바등 아끼고 잠도 자지 않고 일하며 먹을 것도 안 먹고 쓸 것도 안 쓰고 모아도 내 것은 되지 않았다. 그 모든 고난의 세월이 끝난 후에 나는 비로소 하나님 앞에 굴복하였다.
예수 그리스도를 구주와 주로 영접하고 나는 1 주일간을 “하나님의 뜻을 가르쳐 주십시오.” 라는 간절한 기도를 드렸다. 하나님은 그 기도에 응답하셨다. 나는 감격의 눈물과 함께 모든 것을 하나님께 맡겼다.
“뜻대로 하옵소서. 모든 것을 주께 맡깁니다.” 하고 기도드릴 때 나는 주신 응답의 말씀을 인하여 뜨거운 눈믈을 흘렸다. 그 말씀은 평생을 나의 지표가 되어 나를 하나님의 뜻대로 살도록 이끄시는 하나님의 말씀이 되었다. 무엇을 염려하겠는가! 그 말씀이 여기 성경에 명백히 기록되어 있으며 내 마음 속에도 기록되어 있다.
“너희는 먼저 그의 나라와 그의 의를 구하라 그리하면 이 모든 것을 더하시리라” 마 6:33
그 후에 하나님께서는 한 계단, 한 계단 나를 이끄셨다. 하나님의 뜻대로 살기로 뜻을 세운 내게는 어려움도 있었지만 하나님께서 이끄시는 손길을 볼 수 있는 안전한 길이었다. 나의 자녀들은 어려움 가운데서도 건강하게 바르게 자라주었다. 우리는 엘리사 선지자의 생도였던 사람의 과부가 경험한 그런 경험도 하면서 하나님께서 베푸시는 기적 속에서 두 아이가 하나는 의과 대학을 하나는 간호학교를 졸업하는 날을 맞이했고 둘 다 가정을 이루고 손자녀들(grand children)을 보는 영광의 날을 누리게 되었다.
이 세상의 재물은 내게 인연이 먼 것이었다. 그러나 하나님은 내게 모든 필요한 것을 공급하시는 분이셨다. 나는 내가 어려울 때 날아 가버렸던 그 재물이 하늘에 저축되어 있을 것을 안다. 이 땅에서 내가 가지고 있는 재물이 내 것이 아님을 성경 말씀에서 배웠다. 날마다의 생애 속에서 나와 나의 자녀들이 하나님의 뜻을 받들어 살기 소원하며 재물에 대하여 하나님의 재물임을 명심하고 주신 재물을 하나님의 뜻대로 사용하는 하나님의 자녀들이기를 소원한다.
4. 자아와의 투쟁
이기기를 다투는 자마다 모든 일에 절제 하나니 저희는 썩을 면류관을 얻고자 하되 우리는 썩지 아니할 것을 얻고자 하노라(고전 9:25)
내가 내 몸을 쳐 복종하게 함은 내가 남에게 전파한 후에 자기가 도리어 버림이 될까 두려워함이로다(고전 9:27)
사람이 평생을 사는 동안이 하루하루의 생활이 마치 쟁투와 같다고 하겠다. 세상에서 하나님 없이 살 동안에는 그 이치를 잘 몰랐지만 하나님을 믿고 사는 생애가 시작된 후부터 나는 내 날마다의 생활이 결전장에 서 있는 나날임을 깨닫게 되었다. 나는 선을 행하고자 하되 해가 저물어 잠잘 시간이 되어 무릎 꿇고 주님 앞에 아뢸 때면 자신의 패배의 기록을 가지고 후회하며 통회하며 용서를 빌 때가 많았다.
무엇 때문이었는가? 그리스도와 함께 십자가에 못박히고 무덤에 장사 되었어야 할 자아가 아직 살아 있었기 때문이었던 것이다. 실로 나의 생애에 있어서 자아와의 투쟁은 가장 치열한 투쟁이었다. 실패하고 또 실패하며 나는 하나님 앞에 울부짖었다. 참으로 나는 그 간교한 사단의 올무에서 탈출하고 싶었다. 연약한 내 자아를 이용하여 끊임없이 나를 노리고 있는 원수의 궤계를 원수를 이기신 나의 주 예수 그리스도를 힘입어 물리치고 싶었다.
새벽마다 나는 갈라디아 2 장 20 절의 말씀을 외우고 또 외웠다. “내가 그리스도와 함께 십자가에 못 박혔나니 그런즉 이제는 내가 산 것이 아니요 오직 내 안에 그리스도께서 사신 것이라 이제 내가 육체 가운데 사는 것은 나를 사랑하사 나를 위하여 자기 몸을 버리신 하나님의 아들을 믿는 믿음 안에서 사는 것이라”(갈 2:20)
새벽마다 갈 2장 20절을 외우고 또 외워도 자아는 살아나는 때가 있어 쓴 잔을 마시게 하는 사건들이 일어나거나 내 마음에 평안이 깨어질 때가 있었다. 나는 무시로 자아가 꿈틀거릴 기미만 보이면 말씀의 무기로 대항하였다.
“너희가 죄와 싸우되 아직 피 흘리기까지는 대항치 아니하고”(히 12:4)
참으로 그러했다. 내가 이제까지 자아와 싸웠다고 하나 나는 나를 죄 가운데로 이끌어 들이는 자아와 피 흘리기까지 투쟁하는 경지에까지는 이르지 않았던 것이다.
나는 에베소서 6 자에서 내가 주 안에서 내가 승리자가 될 수 있는 길을 발견했다.
에베소서 6장 10절~17절
“10 종말로 너희가 주 안에서와 그 힘의 능력으로 강건하여지고
11 하나님의 궤계를 능히 대적하기 위하여 하나님의 전신갑주를 입으라
- 이전글Untitled 13.06.20
- 다음글그 영광의 빛속으로 제 4부 침례! 새출발! 인생역전! - 박옥종 13.06.19
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PART 5 Chapter 1
1. Song of Thanksgiving
I was a lonely woman who was wandering in darkness. I was hopeless without knowing God. God shed light on me who was languishing in the swamp of despair. I started to open my eyes experiencing God's love shedding more and more gradually, and slowly until my weak sight get used to it. I got out of the infant stage and passed childhood stage of faith experiencing in my deep heart the merciful outstretched hand of God who lead my poor soul from the darkness to the light. Now I passed the youth stage and approached to the adulthood of faith and I feel the strong desire to praise the Lord who lead me into the glorious light.
Even though I sing the song of the gratitude until the last day of my life How can I express my thanks full in my heart God is love The love sacrificed himself to revive my life The love gave his life to save my life Shed the light of life to this worthless life Leading into the glorious light with the limitless love
Open entirely the window of dark and smudged chest Shed the light of abundant love every nook and corner The outstretched hand of God expelled all the darkness The inside of the chest stained with tears The wiping outstretched hand is softer than silk Removed all stains cleanly and impressed fragrant word of the Lord Dreadful and fearful memories remain in your head The Spirit of Lord melt it away, blow the fresh wind of the Holy Spirit The flower of fragrant memory become more fresh
The Spirit fill your heart with hope and ambition for future Overflowing youthful life will be open in the expectation for the day Lord will come again! Prepare for the glorious day Shine the light of the Lord to the people in darkness
Open your chest of overflowing gratitude and sing with all your might Lift your voice and praise and praise! The song of gratitude reverberate to all heaven and earth
2. The Life in the Life Wrapper
"Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my master will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God." 1 Samuel 26:29
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flame will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel , your Savior!" Isaiah 43:2-3
I have seen a life in a life wrapper. He suffered with life threatening infectious disease several times when he was a baby. He was almost drowned when he was a third grade student at elementary school. He lived through hardship, poverty, starvation and became an adult with noble optimistic character and hope.
He was saved from carbon monoxide poisoning while he was a medical student. When he was an intern at Seoul Adventist hospital, he had an airplane crash while he was visiting an island for free clinic service. While the airplane was crashing, they cried out to God. God listened their prayer and saved them. The airplane was destroyed, but he was miraculously saved with God's grace.
After that he came to America with his family. In America he was involved three car accident on the snow covered icy road. But God saved his life each time.
On February 7, 2001, he had right kidney removal operation because of the renal cancer. Cancer didn't spread, and he lives with a good health now with God's grace.
On November 17, 2008, God saved his life again. He and his wife were going to their son's home because their daughter in law was going to deliver a baby. The weather was bad with snow storm and icy road was slippery. Their car was sliding and spinning on the icy road. They saw a big truck was dashing to their small sedan from behind. His wife hold the handle tightly and screamed "Jesus!" "Jesus!". He prayed "Oh, God! Help me." As soon as the powerful hand of God's angel snatched the car and pushed into the ditch in a blinking moment, the truck passed by safely. They didn't get any injury and car was not damaged.
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men." Psalm 107:19-21
I married and was pregnant when I didn't know God well. I was 20 years old when my son was born. When I was pregnant, my father told me I should do a good prenatal educational care for the unborn child. He taught how I should live during pregnancy. I should do right way in thinking, talking, eating, walking, sitting, standing and reading for the physical, mental and spiritual development of the baby in the womb. I did my best to educate my baby in the womb as my father instructed me. I read the life of great men because I didn't know God and bible. After I met God, I read Samuel and I was thinking about my dream of conception.
"But Samuel was ministering before the Lord, a boy wearing a linen ephod. Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice." 1 Samuel 2:18-19
My conception dream was like this. A handsome boy about 10 years old wearing Korean dress was sitting down with resolute pose and I was offering him an outer garment in a polite attitude. I didn't understand the meaning of the dream for a long time but I reflected on the dream off and on. Then I realized from the bible that Hannah's dedicated love for her son Samuel was the faithful devotion to God. Therefore her son became a prophet who was fit to God's will and saved Israel . I pray and desire my son to live as a good man whose life is fit with God's will. Truly he must live like that.. Because God saved his life many times from dangerous crisis, protected him in the rapper of life. Praise the great God's love.
I reflect the writings on a monthly journal regarding the airplane crash. The airplane Angel was an amphibious plane. The Angel flew to the Dukjuk island and landed at seashore on time. The occupant were A dentist who was pilot, and a medical doctor, a nurse and a photographer from general conference of Seventh day adventist church. There was no one on the seashore. The plane flew above the island to inform their arrival to the people of the island. They didn't know a strong ascending air current from the valley of the island. The small plane was caught by the violent roaring wind and fell headlong down to a stony hill.. The people of the island heard the roaring sound and ran along panting an puffing to the crashed site. They thought all occupant were dead, but they found four people were praying beside the destroyed airplane. When US army helicopter carried them to the Kimpo airport, airport staffs were waiting with stretchers. They were surprised to see all four people walking out without any difficulty. TV, Radio and Newspaper reporters took pictures. They said "this is very unusual in airplane accident history." When his wife heard the news of the airplane accident at Dukjuk island, she came to the Seoul Adventist hospital where her husband worked and talked to herself "I can live with 2 children, might have to sell bean sprout if necessary to raise my 2 children, but how my mother would live with this painful life. She already lost her husband, how can she live without her only son? God was so merciful to me. God knew I was too weak to bear this pain and arranged to have a safe retreat. I was at my daughter's home in Pusan to help her after delivering a son. One day my son in law said "I heard from my friend that the Angel airplane was crashed at Dukjuk island, my brother in law was in that airplane. We called my son's home. I could hear my son's cheerful voice "Mother! I didn't get any injury, not even a finger.." I was so happy to hear his bright voice and laugh. When he had the cancer surgery, I didn't know because I was visiting Korea and my children didn't tell to protect me. I wish and pray for my son who passed the crisis of life and death many times with God's special grace to live totally dedicated life without forget the love of God.
3. Treasure and my life
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20
When I went to Pusan to earn money to educate my children, I left my 10 year old son and 6 year old daughter with my mother in law. My father who sat up on his ill bed and said with tearful eyes "Do you have to go to foreign land leaving your little children?" My father's tearful voice was still ringing in my ear in the speeding train. My mother was accompanying me to take me to her nephew's home in Pusan . She was keeping her precious only daughter among nine children with a pitiful eyes until we arrived at her nephew's home in Pusan .
We took a rest after travel at my nephew's home and I stayed at my aunt's room. I was born at same year with my cousin, but I was born on September and he was born on December. However he respected me and called me "Elder Sister" as a term of respect helped me with his whole heart. His wife was young, but generous and understanding and served me with her best. I was poor and couldn't pay enough board and lodging fee. I gave them only 72 litters of rice or barley per month as a board and lodging fee. However I could stay with comfortable mind because of their generosity.
My cousin and his wife, lived at a new house with his mother and their one year old son who was smiling cheerfully and possessed exclusive family love. They were not rich but their mind was rich and generous. They were dutiful children, prepared good food for mother. They didn't have enough money to eat meat or fish for themselves, but they served mother with at least some meat or fish everyday. As a natural result they were blessed.
"Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:2-3
It remains in my heart as a beautiful memory and I am thankful whenever I think about my cousin and his lovely wife. In those days I lived with the best people in this world.While I was living in Pusan , there was a department store "Minakai". I opened a beautician school. It was my heart's desire to live with my children. Therefore I told my father my plan. My father said "What will see your growing children?"
After that I got a teacher job at an elementary school about 4 miles distance from my home. I couldn't stay at one job with many different reasons. I had many different jobs with this and that reasons. I did needle work for pay, sold sesame oil, eggs, too. I had teacher job, tutor jobs too. I do not much regret because I did my best whatever job I had to feed and educate my children in those difficult time after Korean war. But I hurt my health with over work without eating proper food to save money. I regret my negligence of my health because my poor health brought hardship and worries to my children in the later days. I had nine jobs after Korean war, but I couldn't save money. I worked very diligently back without enough sleep, without eating enough food to save money as much as I can. But the money I saved, didn't become mine, other people used it. I surrendered to God after living through the days of hardship.
After I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, I prayed earnestly for one week, asking "Oh, God! teach me your will." God answered to my prayer. I committed everything to God with tear of deep emotion."God's will shall be done. I surrender all to the Lord." As I prayed, I shed hot tears with the joy of receiving the word of God as the answer to my prayer. The word of God became the index to lead me to live according to the God's will for all my life. Why should I worry with this clearly written in the bible and my heart.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33
After that God lead me one step and another step. After deciding to live according to God's will, I had difficulty sometimes, but I could see the guiding hand of God leading me to a safe way. My children grew healthy and straight in spite of the financial difficulty. We had miraculous experience as like as the widow of a student of Elisha. And with God's grace my son graduated medical school and my daughter graduated nursing school. Both of them have happy christian home and successfully educated their children. I have six grandchildren and ten great grandchildren.
Earthly treasure was a stranger to me. But God provided everything what I need. I know the treasure which was disappeared when I was young, is saved in heaven. I learned the treasure of this earth is not mine. I wish and pray for me and my children to live according to God's will and to remember the owner of all treasure is God and to use those treasure for God's glory.
4. Struggle with Self
"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27
Man's daily life is a struggle for his whole life. When I lived without God I didn't know the struggle. After I started a new life in God, I realized my daily life is a battle field. I want to live a good christian life, but after sunset before go to bed when I kneel down in front of God, I often found my failure and repented and asked forgiveness of God.
What was the problem? The self which ought to be crucified with Christ on the cross and berried in the grave with Christ was still alive. The struggle with self was the most fierce battle in my life. I failed and failed and cried out in front of God. Truly I wanted to escape from Satan's crafty trap. I wanted to repel the trick of the enemy attempting to snare my weak self with the help of Jesus Christ who defeated the temptations of Satan.
In the early morning I memorized Galatians 2:20 again and again. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. the life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Every early morning, I memorized Galatians 2:20, again and again, but self was still alive sometimes and had bitter experience of breaking peace of mind off and on. Whenever I find arising self, I dealt it with the word of God.
"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." Hebrews 12:4
It was true. I had struggle against my sinful self but I did not resisted to the point of shedding my blood. I found the way to become a victor in the Lord from Ephesians Chapter 6.
"Finally be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rules, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In edition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:10-17
Indeed God is alive. He accomplished and achieving the work which I couldn't achieve with the fierce struggle. As I wrote on "how to manage self in old age, after I started reading bible 100 times, my struggle with self passed to God's hand. Now this struggle became not my struggle but God's struggle for me. I started a life of joy with thanks and praise in the Lord. Hallelujah!
5. Self Management in old age
I visited California with my son and daughter on October 30, 2008 to attend my grandson's wedding. It was a beautiful and graceful wedding. We stayed at my granddaughter's home in Loma Linda California for 2 weeks.While we were staying in California I heard sad news of sick people. I was sad when I heard about my old friend who is in a nursing home with dementia. I felt so sad to see her daughter's tearful eyes when she talked about her mother. Her resolute attitude of younger days disappeared.I became sick after that. Sickness of mind brought physical illness.Who said longevity is a blessing. Longevity without good health is not a blessing.
I prayed to God like this after I came back from California ."Dear Lord, Let me sleep after finishing the work which you committed to me as soon as possible."I want to rest. But I do not want to become an unfaithful servant of God who doesn't complete God's assignment. Therefore I get up early morning everyday, and start a new day after listening God's voice. Sometimes I cook food for my grandson and grand daughter in law who live with me. Sometimes I wash dishes. I type in a computer. I read bible for more than an hour a day. I feel ache on my neck and shoulder after kitchen work or writing. Neck is more painful. Therefore I started spine correction exercise which I learned from Elder Kim, Yong Sam. My eye problem and earache have been improved. Leg pain also improved. My leg pain and back pain also have been improved. My daily life is endurable, but my biggest problem is my all cellular tissues became slow. My brain does not turn fast and it seems like all my body tissues are slackened from the head to the toe. Frequent urinary urgency and dry mouth make me go to bathroom day and night.
When I was young, I didn't take care of my body well. I often worked all night without sleep, didn't eat properly and damaged my body. I ignored health principle. I asked God several times to forgive my past sin of damaging my health.Truly God is merciful. God listened my prayer and healed numbness of my leg and pain of my neck. I can walk and enjoy a transcontinental long distance travel without difficulty.
I had pain in my vocal cord since 30 years old because I abused it without rest. I couldn't sing more than one stanza because of pain when we were singing hymns. I prayed for 50 years to relieve this pain. "Dear Lord, I want to praise you with my voice and with my whole heart. Please heal my vocal cord. But pain was still there.When I became 80 years old, I recorded 10 religious books for my sister in law who lost eyesight and unable to read. It took one year because I had to rest and try again everyday because of my voice problem. After this recording, I found I was able to sing four stanza without any pain of my vocal cord.I didn't record to heal my vocal cord. I recorded to help my sister in law who has tender heart because I love her. My love for my sister in law urged me to record everyday whenever I had time. After all, she rendered me a great service rather than I helped her. God answered my prayer to achieve my long cherished desire. Praise the Lord!
I felt sorry to find my unchanged character from time to time even though I have lived with the name of christian over 40 years. Apostle John's character changed like Jesus' character as he looked upon Jesus. Why my character doesn't change? I bought NIV bible to memorize gospel John because I had a desire to have John's experience of character change. I copied Chapter 1 of Gospel John and tried to memorize everyday whenever I walk. The first hand written copy worn off, second hand written copy also worn off. But I still couldn't memorize it. It was faraway when I can memorize the whole gospel John. I realized it is too difficult and takes to long time to memorize English bible with my old brain. Therefore I decided to choose another method. I decided to read 100 times. I woke up early and read a chapter more than ten times every morning. When I finished reading 100 times, I felt overflowing grace. A thousand emotions crowded on my mind when I finished reading 1 John, 2 John, 3 John and Revelation 100 times after reading gospel John 100 times.
I realized I might not have enough time in my life to read all new testament and old testament 100 times. I will be 85 years old on my next birthday. I do not know when I might fall asleep, this year or next year. Therefore I decided to read 50 times to read more books in bible. But when I read Matthew chapter 5, I couldn't stop with only 50 times. I read and heard many times the mount of blessing of Jesus in the past. But I never experienced this kind of moving impression in my life. I choked with tears and repented in front of the Lord.
"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48Did I truly obey Jesus's teaching of mount of blessing? When I looked back I felt I am a sinner, piercing deeply into my mind.I read Matthew chapter 5 one hundred times. But I felt that was not enough.. I felt I should memorize this chapter to have this blessed word of Lord to become a mirror of my mind and look at myself, my speech and behavior in this mirror everyday.
From where the principle of self management in old age should come from?It ought come from the word of God. Self management from his own thought has too much up and down. I realized obeying the teaching of God with humble heart is the safest way.
"He makes me lie down in green pastures,he leads me besides quiet waters,he restores my soul.He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." Psalm 23:2,3
In old age, it's easy to fall into self pity. Often become nervous for self defence and feel sad when young person speak out small complaints and scolding while cleaning kitchen and refrigerator. Why should I listen these complaints at this house? I should move far away. Where should I go? These kind of thought came to my mind.At 50, 60 years old, I argued with my daughter in law. At 70 years old, I wished to move away from her. At 80 years old, I became more sensible. Now my daughter in law's complaint doesn't bother me any more. I understand her feeling.When she visit her children's home or my home, she works at kitchen, cleans the house. She is a dedicated mother for her children and a good daughter in law.
My son and my daughter in law bought a nice house for me. On weekend they drive more than 2 hours to come to my home. They visit orchard and U-Pick grapes, blue berries, pitches, apricots etc for me and my grandchildren. My daughter in law send it to her daughter in California , sometimes. She cooks delicious food for family, wash dishes, cleans the house, works at yard. She is very diligent. I wonder where her energy comes from. I saw the utmost love for family in her service. My heart moved with tearful eyes when I realized that she has been working so hard without sparing herself because of the powerful love for family. Why she should talk to me if she does not concern my wellbeing? In this year, truly I felt the one who loves me most in this world is my daughter in law. My son is very kind to me and people say my son is a very good son. But my daughter in law's self sacrificing love is exceeding my son's love. I became a truly happy person in the Lord.
I have had pain in my neck with spine problem. I received much help by doing stretching exercise everyday. I learned this stretching exercise from my friends in the church. My body became more flexible pain and numbness feeling of neck and legs have improved. I feel healthier and younger with daily exercise. This is also a blessing from God.I have received overflowing blessing since I set my mind to memorize the word of God. Finding God's will from the word of God everyday and living according to the God's will is the best self management in the old age. Hallelujah!
6. Faith and Victory
I read Matthew Chapter 8 this morning. There is a story about leper in verse 2-4."A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said 'Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.'Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' he said. 'Be clean!' Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.Then Jesus said to him, 'See that you don't tell anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.'" Matthew 8:2-4
The leper had faith. "Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean." He appealed with staking all his strength, all his life and all his hope on this word. After reading Chapter 7 ten times, when I started reading Chapter 8, the appeal of the leper and Jesus' loving word "I am willing, be clean." touched my heart and made me to cry.Lord's loving kindness is limitless.
On Mark 5:34Jesus said "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."Truly she was hopeless with a chronic bleeding disease for 12 years."She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowed and touched his cloak, because she thought, 'If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.' Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowed and asked, 'Who touched my clothes?''You see the people crowding against you' his disciples answered, 'and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?'But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, 'Daughter your faith has healed you. go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:26-34
On Mark 10:51, "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said "Rabbi, I want to see.""Go," said Jesus, "Your faith has helped you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:51-52
The blindman Bartimaeus's faith and act is described vividly at verse 46-50.On Luke 7:48, Jesus said to a woman "Your sins are forgiven."On verse 50, Jesus said to the woman "Your faith has saved you, go in peace."
The woman on Luke 7:48 who heard from Jesus "Your sin was forgiven." was Mary Magdalene. To the woman who was hopeless in her sinful life, the statement of Jesus "Your sins are forgiven" was a message of salvation, gospel. And the message of verse 50 "Your faith saved you, go in peace." was the gospel of victorious faith to her. Likewise to the sick woman "Your faith has saved you, go in peace." was also a message of salvation." Truly the salvation message of Jesus Christ was the gospel of the victorious faith.
When my life was at the border of life and death, at the very moment of almost stopped breathing, the merciful God turn up the wick of a failing light. God watched my life which was like a little failing candle in front of violent raging wind with merciful eyes and breathed a light of little faith. At the very moment of snatching as an offering to the evil influence of death, I payed attention and remembered my little children. My earnest crying of my heart requesting 5 more years of life was answered and I am still alive with excessive grace of God.
Truly when I was a sinner without hope, I called with my little faith and God answered and turned up the wick of faith and helped me to know God. Truly I became a happy person in the Lord and I admit this is the exceeding grace of God. I didn't have any merit, but God continuously lead and taught and kept me, corrected me when I did wrong. I grew up in the exceeding love of God. I was slow and unwise and made mistakes again and again in the process of learning the way of God beared for a long time and waited until I stand firm on faith with a determined goal. God has been truly merciful God with abundant faith. With this precious faith from God, I was able to proceed without despair. When I was faced with difficulties I could ask to Lord and receive the answer. When I was faced with almost impossible great trouble, I trusted God and appealed to God again and again and did my best with faith and courage; and I saw God accomplished it for me. I didn't have money but God helped my children to get higher education.
When my son passed American medical board examination and prepared to go to America , he didn't have any money to take with him. He received airplane tickets for him and his wife and two children from the hospital where he got contract to work from July, but he needed at least 2 months living expense until he receive the first check because he departed to America on May 14. Therefore my son and my daughter in law told me that they have to borrow money. But I told them to wait."God doesn't want you borrow money with interest. Wait and let us pray to God. God will give you the money which you need before you depart. The God who listened our prayer always will listen our prayer this time, too. Wait and pray with faith. I will pray for you, too."
I went to the church and prayed with faith.After a few days my son came home from his job with a happy face.He said "Mother! truly God answered our prayer according to your faith." "Today the chief of the Urology department invited me to his home to have lunch together. At his home he said his family is going to America soon, but Korean government limited money to take to America . He asked me to take some of his money to America and pay him back later without any interest." We convinced this was the God's answer to our prayer and we offered a prayer with thankful heart.Truly our God is the living God. Thanks to God and praise him! Hallelujah!God who knows all our lives and all our hearts is glad to bear the responsibility to all things we entrust to him. God who knows us better than we know ourselves can help us to produce the best result.
Jesus said "If you have faith as small as mustard seed, you can say this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
It is God's administration that a deficit person achieve victory in God."But God choose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him It is because of him that you are in christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:27-31God chose the one who has handicap, such as the foolish, the weak, the despised, the poor in this world, and baptized them with the Holy Spirit to born again to abide in Jesus and Jesus became wisdom, righteousness, holiness and salvation. What more can we say? Let us give our crown of victory to our Lord! Praise God who blessed us to become precious children of God in high and noble standing. Hallelujah!
7. Peace and Heaven
God wants us to live happy life.God wants us to live at the peaceful resting place.
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rest." Luke 2:14
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
God gave the mesage of peace to restless people in this world of trouble, fear and disturbance like whirlpool. Jesus came to this world with the good news of peace. God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus, the man of peace to this sinful, restless world with full of accidwnts, unforseen tomrrow, even next moment. How wonderful grace it is!
"He will stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they will live securely, for then his greatness will reach to the ends of the earth. And he will be their peace." Micah 5:4"For he himself is our peace." Ephesians 2:14
I am living in this giddy world, proclaiming the peace from God and waiting for the promise of Jesus, King of the peace."Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also maybe where I am." John 14:1-3
Even though the world is giddy, we have a refuge. We have the words of invitation from Jesus. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Anybody can enter to the refuge which he prepared for us. Rich or poor, low or high, white or colored, east or west, whatever language you use, whether you have handicap or not, it doesn't matter. Only you need to accept the invitation with humble mind. No matter how many years, we have been in church, if we can not get rest coinsiding with the message of Matthew 11:29 "take my york upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls", we might not be able to adjust in his refuge and causing discord and jet out. Therefore we need to prepare with our best while we are able to prepare.
"He who testifies these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.' Amen. come lord Jesus." Revelation 22:20
We should keep this word of Jesus "Yes, I am coming soon."In this age, people who do not know Jesus also concern about unugual signs, what kind of life should we live?Shouldn't we share the grace which we received from God to other people everyday!
The word of God in Ezekiel 33:2-16 said the one who was called as a watchman must to do his duty as a faithful watchman and watchman must blow his trumpet sound clearly to warn people.We serve the king of peace, Jesus Christ in our heart, and become men of peace; and become citizen of kingdom of peace which our Lord Jesus built. Everyone who has heaven in his heart will become citizen of Heaven. Hallelujiah!I long for Jesus and wait for him everyday.
8. Waiting
Lord! When are you coming?Waiting with fluttering of heartOpen the doorLooking at the floating cloud in the skyMind of standing...Waiting for us a day like thousand yearsThinking Lord's mind with tearful eyes
Suddenly Lord present like fragrant windStretching two arms high toward heavenCrying out, then falling into sleep in the nightLord appears in the dream like oasis
My Lord whom I will serve with all my strength, effort and lifeHis name is JesusWhen I call his name and kneel downPeace fill my heart and overflow
Today also sunset is coming with waitingI do not when he will comeBut for sure day of his comingToday also I will live with prepared mind
9. Your Kingdom come Chapter 2
1. What kind of Life do you want to live?"The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Galatians 6:8"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." Romans 8:13-14"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spiritof life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2Help me to born again by the Holy SpiritHelp me to live by the Holy SpiritClothed with my Lord Jesus ChristLive by the Spirit of my Lord JesusLead my life to fulfill the will of Heavenly FatherNot a lip service only church memberHelp me to live as a sincere christian
2. The voice of Conscience
God gave us the conscience to discern good and evil. If we listen the voice of the conscience, our conscience brightened with foresight and perceive the will of God.If we do not respond to the voice of the conscience, once, twice...And live in his own way,The voice of conscience become feeble graduallyAnd to reach to a critical condition, unable to listen at allWhen the Spirit of God touch a string of our heartAwake our conscienceShows the right way to usWe should not neglect listening the voice of the conscienceIn our daily lifeListening the voice of conscience and meditating the word of GodAnd obeying to God is the way to the blessed lifeLord Jesus!Wake me to listen the voice of conscience betterLead me to live a life of obedience to God
3. God's eyes looking at me with smile
God's eyes looking at me with smileThis sinner behaving like a senseless childAlways correct my behaviorStaggering but receiving new power from the word of GodThe appearance of rising and walking againThe God's eyes looking at with smileGod's eyes is alwaysEyes of love and mercyMore ugly lifeMore falling down and rising lifeTaking more pity and more patting and soothing of GodFeeling God's eyesReceiving encouragement and walking againIn the dangerous road of this worldWithout God's graceHow I could rise and walk again?Everyone deserted meLord's eyes still look at meToday looking at me with smileFeeling God's eyes, I will live in this world*God invited us to walk to eternity.
4. Saints! here, walk to heaven.
Let's walk the way, you and me, holding handsStill not familar to the wayBut foot steps of the one who invited us Remains clearlyLook at attetively with faith and walkNever do hurry-scurryOne step, another step, looking at attentivelyEyes of hope toward heavenLift up your head and walkListen His voice with our heart and earWho taught us the way kindlyLift up high the eyes of mind, longing His appearanceLet's walk, set our heart on, singing love songsLonging heart sublimate and sublimateKeeping clear mind like crystalIn that clear mind, the image of the Lord brightThe highway of Zion open and pearl gate appearAh! Ah! Longing the day of glory, seeing the LordSaints! here, walking to heavenLonging the day of playing harp, singing new songHelping each other, loving each other, walking to heavenCrystal clear Riverside of life giving waterSaints who will walk with the Lord, here walking to heavenYou and me holding hands, walking to heavenLooking at the sky with rainbow of grace, walking the way to heaven! Halleluja!
5. The branches of Grape vine
When I talked with Ok-Soon, my adopted sister in Korea by phone, I talked about the Jesus' parable of grape vine. And I said "We should live intimate life with Jesus who is the true vine at this time, Jesus' coming is near." When I talk with her, always we enjoy to talk about the word of Jesus, and talk about how to live to prepare His coming.She doesn't read well, but listen carefully, keep in mind what she heard, and piece through the core of the truth, and I was struck by her sincerity. Her pure, firm and beautiful faith pleases God, and touches my heart. I enjoy ti listen her testimony. Dear Lord! Please help her to realizee her desire for salvation of all her children.My Lord is the grape vineI am a branchIf I depart my LordI will wither to become fire woodTo the Lord who is the true vineAbide in Him alwaysThen you will be always fresh, come to life branchBear fruit in clustersThe Lord spokeIf you abide in meIf my word abide in youWhatever you may askIt will be done as you prayHalleluja! Praise the Lord!Praise the Lord who listend all your prayersYour earnest prayer for soul winningPraise the Lord who answered all my prayerPraise the Lord who will answer your prayer
6. I want to see your bright face. Feb. 27, 2009
"I want to see yourFull bloom face with smileBright face with joy."When I was reading 'Impartes of Light'Strangled with tears, sobbing and prayingForgiving again and again, disobeying people Feeling sorry to mercy of God, deeply moved by His loveLord said"I want to see yourFull bloom face with smileBright face with joy."Beloved LordHelp me to talk always with bright mind and handsome faceLooking at things and talk, looking at Lord and talk with joyIf someone hurt my feelingHelp me to forgive with generous mindHelp my eyes of mind be like eyes of my LordEyes filled with love, pity and mercyChange my mind be like Lord's mind everydayTo be able to see everything with positive mindHappiness overflow in daily lifeHelp me, Lord to share the blessing with neighborsHelp me to be a christianLiving beautiful and fragrant todayBe with me always whereever I amGo with me always whereever I goBe my shield always, Lord in my daily lifeBe my mountain fortress, my power, my strength
7. Lord presented in Spring rain. April 13, 2009
My soul unable to prevent the invasion ofevil oneBody and mind, all tired and fell downTiny voice, I heard in my mind~~~"Arise and walk"When I walked to outside, it drizzled.But I didn't go back into the house.Tighten the string of the hat which was attached to the coat,One step, another step, I walked.Supporting the weak body, difficult to moveHoping Lord's mercy and walked.I realized still I am a selfish person.I could see myself unable to love others like myself.I could see myself with little forgiving mind.If other person hurt me with selfish behaviorI was in agony, received wound in mind.I feel pitiful to see myself, still unable to take a broad outlookInstead of talkig with the Lord, taking to the LordI am agnizing to correct him by myselfHeavy burden on my mind, heavy body, heavy mindWe have to realize, truly changing character is done by GodI walked in spring rain and confessed my fault to GodAt first, I felt shameful and sorry, and couldn't talk wellBut the Holy Spirit gave comfort and courage in my heartEncouraged me to confess all my fault and receive peaceFinally I praise the Lord with song of ThanksgivingThe Lord presented in spring rain and walked with mePity on the weak sinner and strengthened meRestored good soul to praise the Lord with my whole heart
8. Entrust all problems to the Lord
The Lord solves all problemsEntrust all problems to the LordWhen you face difficult problemDo not try to solve the problem by yourselfPresent the problem to the Lord and waitPeace will overflow in your mindIf you trust the Lord without shakingThe Lord will remove your burden of great mountainDo not worry at all and bring your problem to the LordYou will live happy daily life in the Lord.
9. April 21, 2009
I was walking on the Hilcrest road.The Lord was healing me graduallyWhile I was walking, from Dogwood, to Meadow Lane and Timber LaneMind and body was tiredStarted to walk feeblyRestored in new lightThe loving voice of the Lord awakened my soulAwake! Revive!Hardships and privations of man in this worldThe Lord experienced alreadyProtect weak one with painful heartLead into spring newsGreen new leaves sparkling in spring lightWhite, Pink, Yellow, different colors, revived flower treesLawns like geen carpet and colorful flowers in flower gardenLooking and walking, I became happyI praised the Lord and walkedThe Lord gave spring for us and adorned beautifullyI could not stop praising the Lord with my whole heartI will live today as a happy child of GodSometimes wind of trial blowThis is the time of taking root of faith deep downRealizing this is the hour of trial, walk with thanks and praiseThe one who trust the LordSeven times fall down, but eight times get upLord, let me keep Your word of life in my mind alwaysStand firm and victorious until the day of the Lord's coming!
10. May 1, 2009
6:12 AM, the song of birds were heard.The Lord knows my mind. My ardent desire for living according to the Lord's willThough, at the sunset of the dayCouldn't get satisfying resultAgonizing days might continueBecause the Lord is with meI can express the agony of my mindAnd can get comfortAnd again and againReceive courage to start againThe Lord, in any circumstancesBecame my hopeLike the faithful LordI wish to live as a faithful person.Dear Lord, help meAlways to be a faithful personTo live a life of pleasing the lordTeach me and help me to put into practice.
11. March 14, 2009
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like white washed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." Matthew 23:27-28*I realized falsehood and wickedness filled inside of me.Can a man alone affirm his safety?Whoever, wheneverApart the Lord Jesus, no one is safeOnly the life with Jesus will guarantee your saftyLord!Forgive my sinWash me with Lord's bloodAs a disciple of the Lord Let me learn humbly the way of the Lord.*Today was the first day of worship after summer time change. The second meal, I eat at 3 PM as a rule, it became late today. After I prepared seaweed soup and brown rice, I found rice-gruel mixed with red beans which my daughter in law, Lucy cooked for me was in the refrigerator. What my daughter made an effort to cook good food for me, I didn't want to throw away, therefore I heated. I called Sang-un and shared food, then I ate rice gruel mixed with beans and fruit. Bright sunlight was still shining at window, and kitchen wall clock showed 6 PM, but I took shower already; therefore I felt easy. I spent more time in the kitchen, and came up to my room and saw clock in my room, it was almost 8 PM. That was strange. I looked at the Living room clock and it was almost 8 PM, too. The problem was because of the battery of kitchen clock was almost dead and time was more than 30 min delayed. I called my daughter's home and my daughter, Rachel received phone.My son in law, Thomas went to church already because he was the chairman for this evening church service. Rachel said "I couldn't go to church this evening because I am sich with flu, but why were you late, mom?"I couldn't say anything. Truly, there was nothing to say in front of the Lord or in front of man. It was the result of delaying habit. Even though the kitchen clock was delayed, if I prepared early, I wouldn't be late for church service. Dressed with church clothes and opened hymn book and sang hymns of repentence at my living room. I realized truly, I am a sinner in front of the Lord and sang repentence hymns with a choked voice. Then I read Psalm 103, and cried because of the love of the merciful God. Even though, I am such a weak daughter with many mistakes, I was thankful and deeply moved because I felt the Lord washed my sins. I prayed to the Lord to remove falsehood and wickedness in me and wash me with His blood, and I saw myself born again as a new person in the Lord. The Lord gave me courage again, and opened the door of wisdom how to develope my new writing "Into the Glorious Light".I worshiped from 8 PM until 8:50 PM. It was a holy hour with the Lord. Even though it was a solo-worship, started from my mistake, the Lord comforted my wounded heart which was full of repentence, changed my mistake to an opportunity to proceed to a new stage. Praise the Lord! Halleluja!"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17Our repented soul, Lord eceives anytimeFrom our mistake, produce good Praise the pity and love of GodLord, abide in my soul, prepare Your throneCleansed my soul with the blood of the LordLet it be more clean, more beautiful, more shiningMind filled with the Spirit of the LordMind filled with fragrance of the LordMind filled with the light of the LordWhereever I gowhatever I doLet the love of the Lord presentHelp me to become such a personUse me at the field of the LordMind with spring out living waterBe a person who bring the living water to thirsty peopleWhereever in this worldLet the spring water of love gush outWith the mind filled with the light of the LordVisit the souls in darknessShine the light of Lord's lifeLet the glorious light of the lord overwhelem in the whole worldLord Jesus!Today, enter in our heartWith the mind filled with the Spirit of the LordCalling the Lord and waiting Chapter 3
1. Abide in me. May 1, 2009
I saw wild apple flowers recently when I walk. The day first time I saw the wild flowers were a drizzling rainy day. It was a mystery, seeing apple flowers on the ground, therefore I passed and came back and looked about. There was nothing like apple tree around the tender branch with apple flowers on the ground. Only old, sick, dry, rotten piece of stump was lying down on the ground. Last year when they cut some trees to protect electric lines, this crumbled, decayed stump was cut down, too."Did this stump have wild apple flowers and fruit in the past? Did this tree have a golden age, too?"It looked like out of bounds of possibility. Icarefully looked at the stump this way and that way, but it looked like completely dead dry stump.However, lo!, it was a grim reality to have beautiful fresh wild apple flowers on this rotten dry stump.I changed my position, and standing beside the stump, and carefully watched not only above the stump but also under the stump, too.At last I found the answer. I found the secret of beautiful wild flowers on the crumbled rotten stump on the ground.In reality, this rotten stump was still alive. When they cut this wild apple tree, a small part od bark was spared and this stump was still connected to the root of the apple tree in the ground. If I didn't come beside the tree and researched carefully, I wouldn't be able to find it. I found the mystery of the life and admired and marveled. I learned a good lesson from this experience. I was thinking about the parable of the grape vine which Jesus told to us."Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4-5Even if I have the highest honor and wealth, if I do not know Jesus, how would be my eternal destiny?"If anyone does not remain in me, he is like abranch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." John 15:6If I didn't know Jesus, my destiny would be thrown in the fire and burned.I felt deeply in my heart, I should praise and praise God.Because I live a blessed life of "though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day".(2 Corinthians 4:16)
2. What is the meaning of my life? May 19, 2009
Mother Theresa was a ordinary woman, but she became a very famous person. She loved the Lord, and loved people whom the Lord loved with the mind of the Lord. She sacrificed her life to serve them.The Lord said "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35"Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all." (Mark 10:43-44)"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)When man wants to live for himself, no matter how hard he tries, the life is tempory life. Only the eternal life, everlasting life is the life of transcending self and considering other's wellbeing.I wish to live an unselfish life like mother Theresa.Looking at Jesus who is our role model,Meditating him deeply in my daily lifeMy character would change to be like Jesus' character as Mother Theresa did.Let's practice one step, another step, day by day.Pluck up by the roots of selfishnessThe mind of the Lord fill my heartI will be alkie Jesus and live a peaceful life.Lord, let the day come quickly.In the Lord, I enjoy peaceThankful heart to everyoneSpread the light, live and fragrance of the LordEveryday the peaceful and joyful kingdom of the LordLet me be a powerful evangelist. May 23, 2009
"From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?'-which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'" Matthew 27:45-46
***Beloved Lord,The agony you sufferedHow I, a little human being would know all?Even though I do not know all the agonyThe Lord's voice of agony, calling the Heavenly FatherEchoed through my heart
With what kind of heart, the Lord love usWith what kind of mind, Lord saved usWhen I meditate you, hot tears soak my chest
Dear Lord!Inspite of sacrificing your lifeSaving the pitiful human beings, the great loveHow can I express all my thankfulnessThe words presenting to the lord is onlyMy life which is belong to the Lord, whether live or dieLead my whole life according to your will.
3. The Great Love of God
How can I express the great grace of God?Simply look up the Lord with deep emotion.When I was 25 years old, I lost my husband during Korean War and was thrown into the swamp of hopelessness. To the weak hopeless woman who was crying out from the deep, deep, dark swamp, God shined a light of life, and led my whole life until today.
God's compassion and mercy for widows and orphans led the steps of me and my tender children to overcome adversities. The Lord awakened and educated us to know the love of God led our daily life.Our thought and steps were slow to learn the way of life, but God's mercy, love and patience was unlimited.When I reflect carefully, how we crossed ove high mountains and steep passes, ploughed through the waves to this place near the ehaven harbor, we came thus far with wonderful help of God.
My son who was 5 years old when I lost my husband will be 65 years old this year, and my daughter who was 2 year old had 60 years old birthday on last December.My six grandchildren are all happily married and have twelve great grandchildren. They all attend church faithfully and fave daily family worship. They learn the way of God and teach the word of God to their children and witness God's love through their life. I praise the Lord for his great merciful love and compassion.
Every early morning, When I offer prayer of thanksgiving, the theme is Galatians 2:20. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
It became the subject of my daily prayer that I want to live a faithful life with the living Lord in meI want to seek Lord's kingdom firstI want tb filled with the Holy spirit I want my character to be transformed to Jesus' characterI want to live a faithful witnessI want tb a saint who welcome the coming Lord Jesus Christ, joyfully.
Even if we own honor and wealth in this world, will it last 1000 years or 10000 years? That will be just an empty dream.Seeking God's kingdom and righteousness, this is truly God's infinite grace for us. Through this grace we will receive the heavenly kingdom which will not decline forever and will receive the life of resurrection and live forever with the Lord.All trials we receive in this pilgrimage of this world, endure as training to make us pure gold, live joyful life with hope everyday.
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." John 17:3"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12
Praise and thanks to the Lord who gave us eternal hope!Prayer for the day Closing eyes silently, everything is Lord's grace Engraved in the chest one by one, things of gratitude Choking with tears and heated chest Lord's work, Lord's kingdom, from the day seeking first Poured grace is limitless and endless Full of blessings piled to the brim reaching to the heaven Until the last day of my life, devoting myself My heart's desire to live for Lord unchanged Prepare me to welcome Lord.
"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge will award to me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2Timothy 4:6-8
This testimony of apostle Paul toched many people's heart deeply. Recently, I reflect deeply my life after receiving Jesus as my savior. When I was in late 40's, my son and son in law were doing residency at same hospital. They lived as next door neighbor, and I could visit both houses everyday.
On a certain day, my daughter came to my son's home and they talked about their childhood memories. I heard with regret that my son and daughter telling unanimously "we were afraid of our mother".Therefore I told them "I did my best."Since that time, almost 40 years passed. When I reflect my life again, I think my statement "I did my best." was not a right statement. I confessed in front of God, my insincerity already, now I confess to my children "I didn't do my best as mother".Therefore when I see my children who lived difficult lives because of mother's fault, I want to apologize.
When I reflect carefully, the true reason for our happiness and peace is entirely God's grace. I was the most powerless and useless person, but God nurtured and revived us in the love of God.Didn't leave my children to insufficient parent's care alone, but God nurtured them. Give thanks to God and praise God with whole heart!